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Enginous II: Career Confusion

My future wasn’t really on my mind, not in the way it needed to be. I mean, I was thinking about college, but to get in I felt that I needed to be in IB (which I realize now was a complete waste of time) and to do that I needed to fulfill all their ridiculous requirements: passing standard level classes with at least a 3, creativity/action/service (CAS) hours, internal assessments, etc.
Compounding the problem, my career plans were loosely defined and extremely naive at that point (less so than now, I hope). At that time, I felt like I wanted to go in some medical route, like my three sisters who went through med school in the Philippines, and I think that admiration I heard, or perceived, in other people’s voices, when they heard they were doctors, and the pride in my parents’ voices when they talked about them, attracted me.
What I didn’t realize then was that I only wanted people’s admiration and acceptance. I didn’t necessarily want to become a doctor, but that was what I thought would get that. Also, I realize now that people’s admiration and acceptance is a never ending cycle of disappointment because I’m the type that will never put effort into something I’m not passionate about, and if I do, it’ll only be for a short period of time. And if I do something that is fulfilling for me, it might not be seen that way to someone else, causing internal conflict to try and impress them, but finding I can’t and feel good about myself at the same time. Disappointment circle.
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